To stay or not to stay……..


I am going into one of my stories again today brought about by life happenings.

I went for a birthday the previous week end and just before the celebration started there were this two little boys who were in the house with the host of the party and i had met them also the last time i came there. I then asked the party host where their mother was and she said their mother has left their father due to some differences and the children were now being left alone with their dad who went to work and came to pick them from her house when he was back from work meanwhile until he could find an another arrangement for the kids. As they ate one of the kids walked up to me and said “Auntie, i can’t eat this food, it’s too hot” i said “drink water” He then went back to his meal and managed to eat. My heart went out to this poor little child who woke up one morning to see his mother no more. Who simply had to get used to mum not being around and just try to live the life until all he remembers of her are some faint faded memories that grows fainter until he becomes a man and moves on with his life and then this thought arose……. To stay or no to stay?

Sometimes, Marriage is not all what we we read and dream about. Bad things happen! People change! A simple and good gentle man turns into a drunk and a wife beater and struggles with depression as he loses his job and he becomes different from the man you once knew and each night you lay all night wetting your pillow and lay hopeful that he might change with more prayers, fasting and even more patience on your part.

To stay or not to stay? Especially in the times when this man becomes a tyrant and not the man you used to know. He beats the hell out of your life and you carry black circles round your eyes day in day out like a school uniform until you wonder if you will come out of this marriage alive or not.

I have decided to pose this question to every one of you so as to hear your point of view on this issue because when two elephants fight it is indeed the grass that suffers and in this case “the children”. Should the woman then stay and manage just because of the children instead of them to wander about like sheep without shepherd or bear the thought of another woman manhandling her own kids and not taking care of them as she ever would. It’s a tough decision to make and without being in that situation myself when i look into the picture  it is so hazy and difficult a very , very tough choice to make. It is so much easier with you not being in the picture and all you need to do is chirp in your own two cents on the issue.

If it is even the Nigerian situation like in my own place where as your dowry is been paid, you are told you have no room in your father’s house anymore and in other words, through hard times and low times, you are expected to be there with your husband and i do not have a problem with that as much as i have a problem with maltreating your wife and slaving her. Even the bible is not in support of divorce so what does a woman do when she is in forefront of this battle that she’s so terribly losing and might even lose her mind with it depending on the degree of violence that she’s made to face as some are going through life’s version of hell. It’s a sorry sight!

I need your opinions on this please!


I’m outta here……………..XX


About Nita's Own Little Space.....

I am a blogger. I love to write. It is one of the most beautiful ways that life has given to me to express how i feel, how i see life. A way to confirm my most innermost and deepest feelings and also what seem so shallow. I just love to write, it is more easier than talking!!!
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3 Responses to To stay or not to stay……..

  1. granbee says:

    Nita, here in the United States, when a woman is physicall abused like this, she is able to get the husband banned from the house legally, not having to leave her children and go away herself! Also, no where in the Bible does it say that a man and wife always have to live under the same roof ! This is such a difficult question that I think only each individual facing such a situation can handle it for herself, staying in a state of almost continual prayer, of course!

  2. lydiaa5656 says:

    Very complex situation, and given all what we might know, on not know only such a person will in the end, base on values, believes, support network if any, come to a point enough is enough. From a religious view point some situation is over done, which to me is so cruel to all involve.
    I do hold to to the philosophy of hope, but then again, hope could be saying deep down on the inside move on.

    This question of divorce, given all what the bible teaches on the subject, I do not take divorce on demand as is so conman in our society, for me it is base upon each situation. The act of violence
    morally, socially, physical, and spiritually, play daily in these relationship is astounding. Sadly there are time, only death closes one chapter.

    Sometime it is best to move on, for your sake, the children sake, for his or her sake, and for the continently of live with the hope of a better future.

  3. yasmine says:

    i know a woman”

    she stayed, she was beaten and beaten…….. till one day he tried to kill her in her sleep! they are a wealthy couple. they attend the ‘right’ church…. they attend the right ‘social circles’……. but something in him flipped when he didnt have money……. they were facing difficult times…… one day ,the same day he tried to kill her, her daughter called the cops to arrest him ;to save her mums life……….. he never beat her again… however?

    till this day that daughter is like a family outcast…coz guess what? the woman and the man are back together……

    was it worth it? me thinks not

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